Many women today have experienced situations that they would not wish on their worse enemy. It is very possible that the trauma, tragedies and trials we’ve faced caused us to think that we were the only one. At least that’s what I thought. Not true. There are statistics to prove it. Experts estimate that one in four girls and one in six boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. This means that in any classroom or neighborhood full of children, there are children who are silently bearing the burden of sexual abuse. Approximately 20 percent of the victims of sexual abuse are under age eight and most child victims never report the abuse.
When I discovered that childhood sexual abuse is far more wide spread than most people think, I wanted to shout from the roof top, “I am not the only woman that has been sexually abused, raped, or molested and neither are you.” When I realize that research also shows that an estimated thirty-nine million survivors of sexual abuse exist in America, I wanted to tell every woman that she can heal from the scars of abuse and be made whole.
I also wanted to tell women that unfortunately, the greatest risk to our children doesn’t come from strangers but from family and friends. While it’s not healthy to expect the worst in people I believe it is healthy to be aware. Sexual abuse can occur in your home by adults that you know personally such as clergy, teachers, coaches, relatives, neighbors, wives or husbands. Or it can happen at the hands of strangers. It’s not until we become conscious that we can begin to break the cycle of child sexual abuse so that our children can grow up whole.
Broken children become broken adults. Adults who have experienced sexual abuse suffer the consequences long after the act has taken place. 70-80 percent of sexual abuse survivors report excessive drug and alcohol usage. One study showed that among male survivors, more than 80 percent had a history of substance abuse, 50 percent had suicidal thoughts, more than 20 percent had attempted suicide, and almost 70% received psychological treatment.
As an adult survivor of child sexual abuse and rape I know what it feels like to suffer in silence. For over twenty years my voice was silenced through fear, anxiety and depression, shame, guilt and anger. Because my innocence had been stolen I had low self-esteem and no self worth. I struggled with mood swings, bad dreams and feeling of isolation and despair. I looked for love, approval and acceptance in all the wrong places. I experienced inner turmoil on a daily basis. On the outside I was smiling, but on the inside I was screaming for help.
Because I was unhealthy I found myself entering into dysfunctional relationships with men. I looked for men to make me whole. To tell me who I was. To protect me. But that wasn’t the answer. Finally, I came to a rock-bottom place. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had to admit that I needed some help. I could not go on living my life broken and bleeding. I had to stop denying the traumas that had taken place. I became willing to take a journey towards self-discovery and find that place of healing. It wasn’t an overnight process. It took some time and a lot of tears. But when healing came, I could finally breathe again, live again, love again, laugh again, and dream again. Isn’t that what we really want? Know that you too can overcome the scars of abuse.
