I consider myself to be a relatively intelligent woman. This just proves that intelligent women can do really stupid things.
10. When I was eight, I stuck my tongue on a can of frozen orange juice in the grocery store because it had frost on it and it was a hot day. My tongue stuck fast. I had to rip it off so nobody would know what I had done.
9. When I was nine, I caught my mother’s kitchen on fire. I did this by lighting matches and throwing them into the trash. But if the truth be told, my mother used to have me light matches to light her cigarette when she was driving. I was really just practicing.
8. When I was thirteen, I shoplifted a can of Aqua Net Hairspray. I was not destitute and taking the hairspray for my starving children. I didn’t even need the hairspray. I did it to see if I could get away with it. I wouldn’t feel so bad about it if I had shoplifted an expensive hairspray. I was not caught, but fortunately this episode did not lead me into a life of crime. It could have, but it didn’t.
7. When I was fifteen, I had sex with a boy to “prove I loved him.” I proved I loved him and he proved that I was stupid when he told everyone in the high school what he and I had done. The bad news is that my reputation was shattered. The good news is I never lacked for a prom date after my reputation had preceded me.
6. When I was twenty and married, I kissed a black professional football player at a party and my husband walked in the room while I was kissing him. That was stupid and also bad. The guy was really, really cute, but that is truly no excuse.
5. When I was twenty-two, I crashed our Mustang into the garage wall because I was mad at my husband and he loved that car. He did not kill me over it, but we did later get divorced for other reasons.
