January can be a pretty bleak month, so I’m thrilled there’s a gentleman in my home state of Pennsylvania who’s deeply interested in my health and well-being.
Mr. Robert Patterson, who was hired as a special assistant to help set policy for services provided to Pennsylvanians through the Department of Public Welfare (DPW), is apparently also an editor for the journal, “The Family in America”, which is published by an Illinois-based research center that advocates for the “natural human family . . . established by the Creator.”
In his editorial role, Mr. Patterson authored an article stating that the chemicals found in semen can elevate a woman’s mood and self-esteem. Amen to that, Mr. Patterson. And who among us cannot use some mood elevation in the winter? In the article, Mr. Patterson also says that “semen-exposed women” perform better on concentration and cognitive tasks. Again I say, yes!
In case you were wondering, Mr. Patterson believes the best way for us all to get that semen is without use of a condom (I guess he doesn’t believe in swallowing).
Alas, his positions—which I gather are missionary—have gotten him into trouble with the Governor of Pennsylvania and so he is no longer on staff at the DPW. However if he’s in need of a new job, I’m betting he can find some work in South Carolina this week, where the remaining GOP candidates are vying to see who can be more opposed to women’s rights.
Unless of course, it’s her right to semen.
