Ten Things to Look Forward to in 2012

It’s been, like, nine whole months since Anglophiles had an excuse to get in a tizzy over something terribly British and fusty-sounding. On February 6, Her Majesty celebrates sixty years as the reigning monarch of the British Commonwealth, so get ready for an entire year of wacky memorabilia, talk of the royal corgis, and pictures of Kate Middleton’s impossibly shiny hair.

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

Two words: swimmer abs.

If you thought Mariah Carey had set the new standard of celeb mommy pimpitude, get ready to have your world rocked when Beyoncé’s baby drops (literally and figuratively). It might happen this week! Her daughter (who already owns a $5,000 pink crystal bathtub) will reach new heights of precious magical sparkle princessness, and just speculating about how baller this baby is going to be is already making us cackle with glee. That’s entertainment.

After leaving us without a fix since October of 2010, Mad Men is finally set to return to our televisions sometime in March. Will Don really marry his secretary? Will Joan’s baby be born with Roger’s silver hair? Will someone finally drag Betty to a women’s consciousness-raising group? So many questions!

You know how when December’s over the year starts over again with January? Yeah, that’s sort of how the Mayan calendar works, too. After one cycle, it repeats, which is what happens after the current cycle finishes up this year. It’s just that simple. But that won’t stop intrepid reporters from filing ludicrous stories that examine the possibility of Earth combusting in a ball of flames. We encourage you to treat these as humor pieces and laugh accordingly.

Well, OK, not quite yet, but it’s happening soon. The TSA has already relaxed the shoe-removal rule for children under twelve (along with promising not to frisk and violate so many babies and elderly grandmothers in general). That’s the first step toward the rest of us being allowed to walk through the body scanner without catching athlete’s foot. Hooray!

Photo credit: Ben Popken

Harem pants, formal daytime pajamas, hipster headbands…they’re done now. 2012 is a fresh start, so what will be the faux hot trends of the year? Only time and grasping-at-straw tastemakers and trendsetters will tell. Oh, the possibilities.

Photo credit: Louis Vuitton

You may be thinking, “I can’t wait to see the last Twilight movie this year!” You may also be thinking, “Ugh, thank god we can all forget about Twilight after this year!” Either response is valid.

The final Christopher Nolan-directed Batman movie will be released in July, and that’s something that all of us can squeel over, because it looks pretty intense.

Yes, we’ll all have to suffer through months of excruciating punditry, attack ads, meaningless debates, and keep up the façade that it’s the people who choose the president and not whichever corporation donates the most money. But elections can generate some truly phenomenal pearls of entertainment…remember Sarah Palin? Think of how much fun we’ve all had with that.

Photo credit: notionscapital

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