My sister-in-law Mary Jane is on the newest low carb fat diet
Looking at my hips she loudly exclaimed “Maybe you should try it”
I hurried to the food store with my new improved diet list in hand
Marching through the aisles strutting proud like a one man band
Shocked I came to realize this list must be a diet for baby rabbits
Abandoning the list I soon found myself back to my nasty old habits
I once loved shopping for my favorite food it was so fun and easy
Now as I try to fill my grocery cart I feel so ashamed and sleazy
I am afraid hanging out near the bake goods I will soon be caught
So I quickly scarf down the jellied filled doughnuts I just now bought
Eyeing my growing pile of pork, pasta, bread, pudding and sugary snacks
I feign concern pretending to read the all important healthy ingredient facts
Turning my back to hide my crime I decide I may just as well try to risk it
Who in the store would notice that I held a large slab of juicy beef brisket
Tossing the beast nonchalantly into my cart with a dramatic finish
I quickly cover the bold evidence with a bag of leafy green spinach
Of course in my deceit I am beet red in the face and feeling quite hot
I make a mad dash toward the ice cream case in search of a cooler spot
My confused brain swims with a vision of biscuits and sausage gravy
The store’s floor tiles seem to shake, looking all humped up and wavy
I try to steady my legs and hold on tight to my now calorie filled cart
Off I go humbly wobbling to the checkout lane with a sinking heart
A glimpse of a large rear I see displayed on the store’s window glass
I choose to ignore it I am sure that must be someone else’s lard mass
Phooey on all of those fad diets that could make me curvaceous and thin
I’ll just have to go on wondering what kind of shape I could have been in
