Losing a job is like buckling into the last car for your first roller-coaster ride. Over the next few weeks or months, your emotions are going to plummet and soar again and again. How you handle this thrill ride can have profound effects on your life, your career and your family.
In my thirty-three years as a professional recruiter, I have seen people at every peak and valley of that ride. I have seen those who made good decisions resume a rising career. I have seen those who suffered through divorce and estrangement as their poor decisions or pessimistic attitude affected those around them. From my discussions with thousands of people in between jobs, here are the steps in a strategy I recommend for moving forward after losing a job:
Recognize, Understand and Manage Your Emotions. Studies have shown that next to the death of a family member, job loss is tied with divorce as the next most stressful event in a person’s life. Psychologists also agree that the loss of a job and the loss of a spouse seem to have the longest recovery periods. Recognizing that losing a job then having to look for a new one is going to inflict incredible, and possibly long-term, emotional strain on you is critical in those first few days when many of the most severe collapses occur. This is especially true for those who have been employed in their present job for five years or more.
Having recognized and accepted that your emotions are about to take a beating, it is important that you understand and steel yourself for the natural reactions your mind will undergo in response to that stress. Understand that while you may not have had control over what happened, you do have control over your reaction to it. The healthy reaction is not to deny the feelings, but to recognize them, acknowledge them and get over them as quickly as possible. Too often, a long grieving period is incapacitating and prevents a person from looking for a new job. Life isn’t fair . . . get over it . . . and get on with it.
To completely understand your emotional state, it is important that you express your feelings in absolute detail. One method is to write down your feelings so that they can be seen. Pour out your emotions completely. Write until you are physically and emotionally tired of writing. Then, read what you’ve written—out loud and as many times as you can until you cannot stand to hear it any more. Some of my clients have even recorded themselves and listened to it over and over.
Sharing your feelings with a loved one, counselor or clergyman often helps. Other than a spouse, it is important that the people to whom you express your emotions are trained in dealing with emotionally distressful situations. “Pity parties” do not help . . . trained, nonjudgmental professionals do.
After writing and repeatedly listening to your feelings, the next step is to manage your emotions. Remember, the objective is not to eliminate these emotions altogether. The objective is to minimize their impact so that you can move toward a “good enough,” positive emotional state that allows you to interview well and find a new job.
To manage any emotion, it is critical that you objectify it. As you write, speak and review your feelings, ask yourself out loud, “Can I let go of this feeling?” followed by, “Do I want to let go of this feeling?” Don’t be surprised if the answer to each one of these questions is no. It is not uncommon to hang on to your feelings during a grieving period. It is important that you feel them over and over and over until you are genuinely and sincerely ready to let them go. You may have to review what you’ve written or recorded a number of times before finally being able to answer these questions positively.
