Recently, a coworker asked about the proper way to acknowledge the birth of her neighbor’s child. In situations like these, when there’s no formal event like a baby shower to dictate proper gift etiquette, it’s hard to know what action to take. Even when attending a dinner party, where bringing something to offer the host or hostess is par for the course, exactly what to bring is heavily debated. Luckily, for those of us eager to avoid etiquette errors, Lizzie Post, author and spokesperson at the Emily Post Institute (which just launched Etiquette Daily, a Q&A blog about common etiquette issues) offers some helpful advice on choosing the right gifts for uncertain occasions.
New Birth
When you hear of a coworker or neighbor becoming a new parent, social etiquette doesn’t necessarily require a gift, but it is a nice thing to do. Lizzie says that standard baby shower gifts like blankets or a bouquet of flowers are always welcome, but she suggests coming up with something especially for the new parents, such as making a couple of freezable meals they can pull out on particularly hectic nights. “Anything to make the parents comfortable is always really good,” she advises.
Dinner Party
Google “dinner party gifts” and some of the first recommendations are scented candles, stationary, and wine charms. Now, I’ve never seen anyone bring anything like this to a dinner party, and as a hostess, I’ve never expected any such offering from even the most perfect of guests. Reading that made me question my usual contribution of wine or dessert, but Lizzie says that just bringing a little something is a good gesture. “Everyone has their go-to,” she assures me, “and whatever it is, it’s nice to bring it over. When in doubt, just bring something.”
She lists flowers as a possibility, or a wrapped box of chocolates so the hosts can decide whether to serve it or save it for later. “Just don’t pull a George Costanza,” she jokes, referring to the Seinfeld character’s infamous reclaiming of his dinner party gift. (Actually, doing the opposite of George Costanza is just a good rule to follow all around.)
