Ten Outrageous Gifts from Neiman Marcus’s Christmas Book

Because deciding between rabbit fur and leopard skin at lounge time is a burden no one should bear.

The catalog says this fountain will delight viewers with its amazing robot nozzles that whirl, twirl, and sweep—sometimes in unison. We guess that’s worth a million dollars if you’re tired of the lame water that you usually see around your house that does nothing except flow from faucets to drains with nary a dance in between.

This solid mahogany, twenty-seven foot speedboat comes with a GPS system, a monogrammed humidor, and whatever name you choose inscribed across the hull in twenty-three-karat gold leafing, giving you true reason to scream, “Everybody look at me cuz I’m sailing on a boat!”

You know you’re filthy rich when you’re willing to pay a farm $10,000 to let you pick up a trowel and harvest your own meal.

If you happen to have a spare room in your home that’s doing nothing but providing shelter for that pesky stack of money—$125,000 to be exact—then gift yourself with this bespoke library by Assouline. The publisher will select objects d’art, framed prints, and custom carpet to convince everyone in your friend group and family that you’re intellectually superior.

Stop and smell the roses plus every other flower that exists with this weeklong tour of Europe to visit the flower capitals of the world. You and nine of your closest friends will be staying in plush hotels in Switzerland, Greece, France, and London while you brush up your botany. The rest of us will stay home with our scratch-n-sniffs.

For that yurt-shaped hole in your backyard (and your heart), Neiman’s offers this: a “simulation of a genie’s plush bottle” in an eighteen-foot diameter yurt. The catch-22 here, obviously, is that once you’ve got a genie’s bottle and a yurt of your own, what could you possibly have left to wish for?

If the wow factor of this item is eluding you, let us illuminate: it’s the rubber. Because it’s black and rubbery. As the table’s artist puts it: “[Rubber] has a low-key glamour, like that of a sports car’s bumpers and guards.” In other words, this table brings the understated glamour of tires, bumpers, and floor mats into your living room for just $45,000.

What better way to commemorate Jesus’s birth than with an outrageously priced, blinged-out nativity set. Seriously, this gift puts the frankincense and myrrh that he received on Christmas all those years ago to shame.

We’re pretty sure you could buy a real panda family for this kind of money, which is so much cooler.

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