Miss You!
August 16, 2010
One day at a time is how I am living. I daydream all day about us, the progress we have made, the spoken words that were said, just about you. Yesterday I cut my phone off almost all day and just thought about and talked to you. I was so mad at you, I was really fussing at you. I guess you were laughing your ass off. I guess you were laughing your can off—maybe not. Whenever am upset enough to cry, you would always kiss my forehead and tell me things would get better ... You said that if something made me cry, it had to be bad. Because I was too mean to show emotions. Well, I guess you are shocked as hell right now to see me in such disarray ...
On July 30, you texted me and asked why I always have to act like nothing matters. Why is it so hard to show when I care? I said, “whatever.” You said that one of these damn days, I am going to regret acting that way. YOU WERE SO RIGHT! I act that way, Ron, because it is just safe and I always do what is safe. I was trying to protect myself from heartache and pain. Well, I can tell you there is nowhere to hide from it. I mean, we told each other that we loved one another every day. You were never too busy for me and I was the same way. You have shown me the real meaning of a friendship. We have never gotten mad over anything petty, and when we are mad at one another, we always apologize. I will always remember the good times we had. I now I have to at some point let go; I will in time. I love you and miss you like crazy. To sir, with love.
August 15, 2010
Good morning sir,
Today make that someone you loved decided you were not worth living anymore. She was very wrong I don’t think she thought about the effects this would have on many people. We are all gifts; God gives life he is the only one that has the right to take life. With each passing day my heart hurts like hell. Today I sent you a text message and yesterday I called your phone. You know how I called you before I went to see someone so you could know where I was. All these things have become habit for me ... Today I will stay home and think about all the talks we have had about so many things. I use to tell you that you have changed into such a wonderful person, and that your next wife was going to be very happy. You looked me in my eyes and said “Fatt, if that is true then why can’t I keep anyone?” Ron, everyone is not meant to keep, some you have to let go. When I am ready to move on, I will look for someone, something, like you. Someone I can talk to about anything and I mean anything (wink) (smile). Someone that when I feel my world is coming to an end, they make it calm someone that can make me see things in a different light. You know that is hard as hell. As you say you have never seen anyone as stubborn as me, well, not true. You are the same way ... LOL. I know your job was over but where is my two weeks’ notice? Anyway, love you and you will always be in my heart ...
August 13, 2010
To my friend,
Hi, friend. I have listened to your messages so much; I know them all by heart now. I carry your T-shirts in my purse but Tor said, I better get them out before the smell leaves. I think that I have gone crazy. How in the hell do you get over losing someone that you heard from every day and accept never being able to hear his voice as long as you live? Every time I get on your page and see that picture of you, I just want to touch your face. You gave me something once, but I took it for granted. I wish I had it again. You once promised me that you would never do anything to hurt me. I know you did not do this, but Ron, I am hurt. It’s a hurt that I can’t get over.
