Many of us believe that we will achieve happiness only through great effort, and we spend a lifetime seeking it. But unending joy is actually closer to us than our own skin, and there’s nothing we have to do or get or be to experience it. All we have to do is stop driving it away. And the principal way in which we drive happiness away is with “if/then” thinking—believing, “If this happens, then I will be happy.” The truth is, you have everything it takes to be happy right now.
Here are ten tips that will help you change your thinking about happiness and open wellsprings of motivation, resilience, and joy you never knew existed.
Accept What Is and Learn from It
Life is a university that you never graduate from. Accept that whatever happens to you, no matter how terrible, is there to teach you. Your job is to learn and do what you have to. It is not so difficult to move on if you focus on learning the lesson, rather than on lamenting your misfortune. It also does not mean you are callous or heartless. On the contrary, you will become much more caring and empathetic when you are not wallowing in your misery.
Don’t Label Anything That Happens as “Bad”
Look back at your life a year or two ago. Can you recall anything that happened to you that at the time you thought was terrible? Can you see now that it was not as bad as you supposed—and may actually have turned out to be good? Say your boss fired you and you got a severance package you thought was bad … but then the company went bankrupt and your former colleagues lost their jobs and got no severance—and didn’t even get reimbursed for their business expenses. You never really know if anything that happens to you is bad, but labeling it as such increases the probability that you will experience it that way. Don’t do it.
Define What You Do by Its Purpose
What do you say when someone asks you what you do? If you define it in functional terms, like “I teach mathematics to middle-school students,” then you either are burned out or will be soon. If your response is “I help our leaders of tomorrow appreciate the beauty of mathematics and show them the flights of lofty imagination that enabled great scientists to formulate breathtaking theorems,” then each day is a blast. What is the ultimate good to society of what you do? That’s what you should pour your emotional energy into.
Commit Intensely and Joyfully to Everything You Do
Do you feel bored and stuck in a rut? Is work drudgery? If so, you are spending far too much time bemoaning your fate and how the universe is not cooperating with your desires. Be present with and in your current situation. You will discover that there is more there than meets the eye. There are nuances that you were never aware of until you gave them the benefit of your full attention. When you do this, you have no time to be bored, and, paradoxically, your work will transform itself in ways you could never have conceived of, and will propel you to greater fulfillment.
