So here's the deal ... I have been banned from Tupperware for life. Well see ... I get really cranky being invited to all those parties ... I mean like these women act like it is the holy grail and when the invitation comes all engraven with detailed instructions on the appropriate dress..... AGHHHHH!!!! Everyone compares notes and life is divided into those invited to the Tupperware and those not and back then I was being brainwashed with the idea that I needed to work harder at pretending to be normal.
So I went. And of course they had to play stupid games ... like everyone gets a clothespin on their skirt/pants and if you cross your legs and someone catches you, they get to take your clothesepin and the person with the most clothespins at the end of the night wins a fab prize ... oh you are darn tootin' right .... TUPPERWARE!!! I mean, I know, you are like peeing your pants right now cause it sounds like so much freaking fun right? So like the ladies start visiting and I tried to decline the games ... I warned them I was competitive and you know what they did? They laughed ... "a-he-he-he" .... like a chuckle ... and dismissed it with a wave of their hand. And I am like, "no seriously, dude, reallllly competitive ...." and they go "I am sure we will all survive...a-he-he-he..." and they rolled their eyes. So I am like "hey I warned you lady ... all's fair now mitten-kittens." (I like to call women I don't care about mitten - kittens sometimes ...) So they are like all visiting and talking about choke cherry jam and crap, and I am like perched on the edge of the couch watching and waiting. My muscles are coiled percision instruments, ready to go and then ..... with a scream piercing into the night air, I leap across the potato chips, finger sandwiches, and pink punch and dive into a sea of legs and come up with ..... a clothes pin!!!!! I do a little victory dance over the coffee table taunting them all "Ya, whose your mommy now bitch ..... uh huh, uh huh .... you are MY biooooootch ... " and other things like that. By the end of the night I had all the clothes pins and won a fab measuring spoon. But that is not why I was banned.
So then comes the program. Why can't they just hand you the damn book and let you order your tupperware?? Nooooooo, some prissy woman in a pretend business suit who wants you all to join in her little pretend game that she is fab ceo of her own multi-billion dollar home Tupperware extravaganza, gets up and begins the spiel. These women always squeal too ... it is really annoying .... "Ladies, I am sooooo excited to be with you here tonight and demonstrate our fabbbbbbulous new "spring the ding garden dong breeze line" ..... blah blah blah ... "(I actually threw up a little in my mouth just typing that .. but I can't be sure if it is the tupperware thing or a hair ball ... I get those sometimes)...
Demonstrate? Yes, we are all so retarded that we should be thanking our lucky stars every day there is Tupperware to remind us what a bowl is for otherwise some of us ninnies might be running around wearing them on our heads ... wait ... no ... um forget I said that last thing .... And I was like "nooooooo, please.... anything but the dreaded tupperware demonstration, seriously... you can have the measuring spoon back ...." and then she's like "ah -he-he -he" and she starts.
And then she holds up this bowl and the room goes silent. And all these ladies stop breathing. I swear .. they stopped breathing ... and I was like thumping on one of their chests and trying to breathe in her mouth and she was threatening to sue me and the other ladies were pulling me off ... and it was pretty dicey .... but that's not the reason I was banned from Tupperware either ....
