I watch as the big colorful hot air balloon climbs higher and higher into the firmament and I marvel at the beauty it displays in the distance. Beautiful rolling white clouds add to the backdrop to make it even more beautiful. I stand here over-looking the beautiful scenery and it’s like I’m watching a magnificent painting being painted right here before my eyes. Standing here, I’m such a coward; I would never consider riding in one of these scary contraptions. I’m proud though Matthew, my son, has nerve to go up in one, but yet, I’m apprehensive, and I fear for him. I’ve never been able to tolerate high altitudes and I don’t think I ever will be. I guess you could call me an old fuddy-duddy. He’s been talking about this trip for more than a year now and I promised him when he became a teenager, I would let him take the ride of his lifetime. Here I am, suffering because of a promise I made to him. He turned thirteen last week and he didn’t let me forget my promise. On that day, he said, “Mother, remember what you promised me some time ago … well, I want to take my balloon ride this week-end.”
I think … why, oh why, did I say I’d bring him here? I can’t go back on a promise because of the teachings I’ve raised our children with … why, did I promise him this of all things? As I stand here watching them ignite the balloon and start lifting up into the sky, I feel queasy in the pit of my stomach. I keep telling myself … it’s my nerves, don’t worry … Matthew will be okay. I can see he’s really full of excitement and he’s grinning from ear to ear and waving like he is as happy as he can be. I watch the balloon start to fade out of sight and the pains of guilt commence to overtake my being. I keep telling myself, look he’s having a marvelous time … be happy for him and don’t ruin his exuberance. I become more skeptical and fretful when I can’t see his smiles and waves anymore. I’ve got about an hour and a half on my hands and time to think about the decision I’ve made. His dad, Dave, had indicated to me this morning, he would have preferred to have gone with him on his first trip in case he got frightened but it was too late now because he couldn’t take the day off from his work. Dave lectured me this morning by saying, “You’ve got to watch what you promise people because they never forget a broken promise and you can’t go against what you’ve taught your children all their lives … it’s hypocritical … you can’t do it! Now, you have to honor your promise and the next time think before making a big promise like this.”
For some reason today, there’s this gnawing feeling bothering me about the ride as I watched him drift off into the wild blue wonder. It’s as though something in the back of my mind is warning me … you shouldn’t have made this promise to such a youngster. I’ve always taught my children their words are like treasures and they must be kept in honest and truth when they make a commitment to anyone. I’m feeling guilty for my feelings and for not discussing this important decision with Dave … the suffering I’m feeling is entirely my fault and no one else’s.
This is a beautiful park with open fields and wooded area pathways to walk and enjoy the scenery. Since I have the time on my hands, I decide to take a walk through the woods. As I enter the area, I stand to view the beauty and the creatures God gave to the world to enjoy. As I take a seat on a park bench, a rabbit sits in the distance nibbling the undergrowth … his tiny nose is twitching like he is smiling at me. His big dark eyes stare at me as though he knows I’ve made a bad mistake and it’s too late to back out. A bushy tail squirrel scurries to bury nuts and a blue bird watches over the entire scenery. I sit here trying to enjoy the beauty of the moment but I’m so troubled and my heart is heavy laden … what if something happens to my child because of this promise? Peace is not in me and my apprehensions and anxieties thrive until I catch myself prancing back and forth on the pathway, chastising myself for my mistake.
