My relationship can be rocky at times, to the point that I want to walk out at the exact point of the issue. Yet it’s only rocky when we are outside of what I call my bubble. The bubble exists when we are our house, watching TV or at either of our families house. It sounds so selfish to think my bubble is threatened when we are not where I am comfortable with, but if we go out to be social it can be so awkward. The chances of running into people (i.e. his adult kids that are rude/disrespectful to me) are higher in certain settings. We went to the movies, they were there. All gooey and “we miss you,” not even a “hi” or “bye” to me. They never call or come by so the whole “missing” factor is BS. I try to not let their presence or them ignoring my presence bother me, but how can it not at least a little. Having hostile vibes near me and directed towards me should bother me and it’s not like I’ve done anything to deserve this. It’s at times like these I know I deserve a relationship that doesn’t involve these kind of feelings. The feeling that he won’t make a statement about respecting me because it could rock the boat.
When we go to a place we most likely won’t see any of the kids (a bar usually) it’s awkward because due to his actions we don’t have much to talk about and we don’t dance. So when people ask or joke about us needing to go dance it reminds of me that whole incident and then I have to come up with some excuse or joke in return. Basically it gets so tense because of the emotions behind the issues for me. While he has none or doesn’t show them.
All of these situations have led to the bubble. All things are fine in the bubble. I can ignore the disrespect he allows, the socializing he impacted negatively, and not have to feel any hostile vibes. When I am outside the bubble I know I deserve so much better, but in the bubble things are so much better; even if it’s somewhat unhealthy and delusional.
I have always seemed to develop these bubbles, small town, safe job, same friends, same hang outs, and in relationships. I think it may be time to pop at least one of these bubbles.
