Dear Lover, Goodbye

Another day of walking in your shadow. Are you walking in mine? Another day to wonder. Another day to remember. Make it stop. Please just make it stop. Enough already. I told myself this morning that this is ridiculous. You didn’t want me. You didn’t even know me. You were grasping at a memory. So was I. But the reality didn’t match the memory. For either of us. And my memory was clouded by my feelings for you. Those feelings that will never go away but which will have to be buried. Or which I will have to talk myself out of. Because they are not feelings that you deserve. They are so precious and you don’t deserve them. Reciprocal. Love is reciprocal. But I can’t make you feel that. So this whole relationship was a farce. There was no relationship. Just me feeling something for you that I shouldn’t. And now I have to stop. Those feelings take so much of my energy and it is energy that could be so much better spent elsewhere. On the other people in my life who do love me. On my friends and my family and children who I have turned my back on to run towards you. But when I got to you there was nothing there. Only emptiness. Because you weren’t ready or you were never sincere or whatever it was. But it wasn’t there. And it will never be there. It’s just not who you are. And I wouldn’t ask you to change. So I have to love you as you are and that means I have to let you go. For my own good. Love you from this great distance and let you be who you are and not look back. I will try.