Last night, while I was catching up on “United States Of Tara,” I learned that no matter how much of a Frisky gal I am, there are still some sexy things I don’t know. There was a running joke on the last episode, started by high schoolers, about doin’ it like dogs in a bathtub. WTF is that, you wonder? It’s not nearly as innocent as this adorable poodle. I looked it up on Wikipedia and I found the answer in a whole list of naughty things. OK, just like on the TV show, most of these were clearly from teenage boys—nine out of ten are about the booty hole or poop. And, unfortch, some are pretty offensive, especially the ones with pictures. Lucky for you, my beloved pervs, I weeded the “good” ones out of the lot! Wikipedia has made this ho bag feel like a virgin … and I’m kinda OK with that. Here are ten crazy suggestions from Wiki’s “List of Sex Moves.”
1. Dog In A Bathtub: While doin’ a lady, you put your ball sack in her poop shoot. Yep, that’s about as hard as it is to keep a dog in a bath tub.
Frisky Thoughts: Hm, what’s a “Cat In A Bathtub” then?
2. Alexander Graham Bell: This takes three people; at least one must have a penis. So, while blowing the dude, the blower talks into the head. Then, participant #3 tries to listen to what they’re saying by pressing an ear up to their balls like its schlong phone. It’s telefornication!
Frisky Thoughts: We’d rather ride our cell phones’ vibrate function.
3. 72: Simple mathematics—a 69 plus three fingers in the booty hole. You pick the lucky winner!
Frisky Thoughts: Congrats, Wikipedia, this one seems actually do-able! Although, perhaps a 71 would be enough for us. We’re not that greedy.
4. The Ice Cream Stand: She does a headstand. You put ice cream in her crotch and eat it out.
Frisky Thoughts: Sounds like a yeasty-beasty and a headache, not to mention the one way you could waste my newfound yoga talents in bed.
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