Brevity is the soul of relationship talks. The shortest distance between two hearts is a straight line. Don’t be a blabbercheeks. I don’t think I’m being clear: When you are discussing important issues with your significant other, keep the conversation short and sweet and to the point. One of the great male stereotypes is that men loathe having to talk about anything serious. That dudes would prefer a forced eel colonic to sitting down and hashing out our feelings. Part of this stereotype is the notion that men are scared of their emotions. This is actually partially true. We are scared of our emotions, and that’s why we respect them. Emotions can make a man feel like a soaring kite one moment and a gym sock full of warm parfait the next.
As a man (and I can prove I am: my testicles have testicles), I would like to dispel the idea that men are hairy robots or giant amoebas grasping cans of beer with our numerous pseudopodia. Men feel emotion, thank you very much. Sometimes, we feel said emotion quite intensely. Our fear is born of respect. I have a friend in California who is a surfer, and while he’s never been able to get me on a board because of my checkered history with balance, he loves to deluge me with hippie mermen aphorisms.
“Respect the waves, man,” he’ll tell me. Don’t fight them, don’t ignore them, and don’t turn your back on them. Respect the waves, and the theory goes, you’ll, I don’t know, catch a radical tube or some s**t like that? Fail to pay Neptune his due, and it could be ten years until you get home.
When your man cringes at the suggestion of “a talk,” what he’s cringing at isn’t the prospect of clarifying your relationship status or future plans. What he’s dreading is the long stroll through a potential briar patch that will follow the summons to converse. I hate to break it to you, but “talks” are bo-o-o-ring. There’s the small issue of how many of these “talks” are just insecurity masquerading as meaningful discourse. There’s an old Polish saying that warns against “borrowing trouble.” A large percentage of the “talks” I’ve had with girlfriends have been about nebulous events and crises in the distant future.
