By Donna Hicks, Ph.D. for Cupid’s Pulse
Why we can so quickly get into an argument with the one we love? What is it about intimate relationships that leave us all vulnerable to lashing out against the person we care about the most? Does it have something to do with dignity?
One of the common desires we all share as human beings is to be treated well. We all want to be seen, heard, acknowledged and understood. In short, we want our worth recognized, no matter what kind of relationship we are in. This desire becomes even stronger when our connection involves romance. We have a hair-trigger sensitivity to when we are dismissed, ignored, criticized, judged or treated badly by our partners. Add to it that the reactions we have to these insults to our dignity usually happen behind closed doors, and out of the public eye. As a result, the worst part of us can appear in a matter of seconds.
Assaults to our dignity create a fast track to our primal, self-defensive impulses, and we can turn into fighting men and women without even being fully aware of what is happening. What’s the result? We get locked into a never-ending cycle of indignity that is hard to break. We can say and do the cruelest things when it feels like our own worth is on the line.
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My experience working with people all over the world tells me that most conflicts in intimate relationships, at their core, have underlying and unaddressed dignity issues that are keeping them from experiencing the deep love and connection for which everyone yearns.
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This is all easy to say, and we can agree that dignity is important in relationships, but what would it look like if we did honor the dignity of our loved ones on a daily basis, making it the glue that holds us together? Here would be some results:
