You know that one guy friend of yours who’s always been something of a question in the back of your mind? The one who finishes your sentences and is there for you whenever you need him, but whom you’ve never actually gotten naked with? You know the one—he’s the prime candidate for your “If we’re not married by the time we’re forty-five” pact.
I have one of those guys in my life, and recently, after evaluating what it was that I’m really looking for in a relationship and thinking it might be him, I decided to take the leap. I vowed to be brave and bold and all mature-like and actually address aloud what had been unsaid for all this time.
So, I did exactly that. And basically, this happened. To my complete and utter surprise, he explained that I’d totally misread his signals; that, in fact, he hadn’t thought of me in that way for a very long time.
Where, in my interpretation of things, had I gone so utterly wrong?
When I argued my side of things to my former would-be boyfriend, who’d just stomped out those daydreams as quickly as you put out a cigarette, he was adamant about how wrong I’d been in drumming up sexual tension where there was none. You see, he really cared for me as a person, but not at all as someone he’d forge a relationship with. Here’s what he says I mis-translated. (Note: Can we get a Rosetta Stone language-learning pack for flirting going? I’d totally purchase this.)
False Flirting #1: He had stated that his former girlfriend had felt threatened by me, and said she probably was right to feel threatened. I translated this as his way of saying that he wanted to do bad things to me, when really he was referring to her feeling threatened by our close friendship, knowing that he tells me personal things about himself and his relationships.
False Flirting #2: Lots of touching. He’s a hugger and an arm-arounder and the consistency of these touches led me to believe he’d also like to hug me while in bed. He says he’s just very comfortable with me and affectionate with his friends, which is why he touches me like that.
