Whoever said that life begins when the children go to college and the dog dies was partially right. When they graduate from college, start their own families, give me grandchildren that I can give back whenever I like, when I retire from a rewarding career and am free of demanding schedules, decisions and responsibilities …THAT’s when life begins.
One time I said to my son, “I’m living the life of Riley,” and he said, “Who’s Riley?” This generation gap separates me from my past in a definitive way that has allowed me to evolve into the person that I have become. The “me” of today is a result of life experiences; hardship, heartbreak, hard work, strength and confidence from a devoted spouse, and love.
When Gail Sheehey wrote the book, Passages, she referred to the need to complete one developmental phase successfully before being able to move on to the next phase. As a child must learn to walk before she can run, we adults must learn to shake old illusions to grow to our full potential. We must learn to “make creative changes through crisis management.” And we “must let go of old roles and develop a renewal of purpose.”
Retirement has given me a renewal of purpose. I no longer have to “fix” my children’s problems. Oh sure, my heart cracks a little each time one of them meets a daunting dilemma, but I have learned to let them “own” their problems. I will always be a mother and a nurse, but my identity is no longer tied up in those roles. I have learned that I am not my husband’s mother and no longer nag him about using sun block, adding too much salt to his food, wearing WHITE underwear under white pants (although, I admit to occasionally reminding him to tuck his dark shirt into his whities), and I know that I will never get him to eat whole wheat bread. I am his partner and we help each other move as seamlessly as possible into this golden age.
