Furthermore, how dare Kallie! I did not get the reaction that I wanted from her at all. Jocelyn told me that Kallie was so happy for me and that she wished me all the very best in life. Kallie even said that it was worth giving up our friendship if it meant that I would meet a gentleman and live happily ever after. I fumed; I wanted her to feel badly that she was excluded from the most important day in my life. Her reaction, however, showed me that she was getting on with her life (without me as a friend) and it seemed as if she did not even care about that. “Fine, I thought to myself, I will never speak to her again; that will show her!” Well, guess what, it didn’t show her; it showed me. Kallie remained happy and I remained angry.
I began to feel spiteful toward Darrin and his mother, as well. Darrin and I had a very rocky marriage right from the get go. He and his mother seemed to resent me for what they considered an entrapment. In addition, when Darrin found out that I had lied to him about my expectancy, his attitude dramatically changed toward me; things would never be the same again between us. What’s worse was the fact that we lived with his mother while we were trying to get on our own two feet and believe me, that was no picnic! Darrin’s mother and I constantly butted heads. She looked down upon me as well. In fact, most of the time, she seemed to view me as a bug that needed to be stomped upon and then scraped off the bottom of her shoe and discarded. How dare she as well! In fact, how dare the whole wide world; I was becoming angry with everyone at this point.
As our marriage continued to spiral downward, I learned from Jocelyn that Kallie and her husband Palmer were expecting their first child and that Kallie was absolutely glowing. She was beaming with excitement over the blessed event to come. I was not happy for her! How could I be? After all, I was so unhappy with my own life. In fact, I was more than a bit jealous; I was envious. I not only wanted what Kallie had, but I did not want her to have those happy things in life either. I was not a true friend to Kallie and I knew it.
