Looking at friendships of favorite television shows causes me to wonder just how realistic they are. Friendships portrayed on Friends and Sex and the City exemplify the types of friendships many of us yearn for: They last for years, they make it through thick and thin, they see one another on a regular if not daily basis and the characters are honest with one another, even when it means saying something the other person doesn’t want to hear. In a way, I feel like these portrayals create the illusion of a Prince Charming of friendships.
Very close friendships take tremendous work, dedication, and effort from all parties involved. Similar to romantic relationships, when we let our own issues and baggage get muddled into the picture, our friendships can become strained and suffer as a result. No one is perfect, and although there are certain traits we look for in a friend, there are definitely dynamics that can be very detrimental:
1. Jealousy: It is natural for every one of us to be envious at one time or another. Maybe we’re envious of a friend’s job … of their marital relationship … of their ability to have children when we cannot … but, when that envy turns into something that looks more like resentment or jealousy … that is when we have a problem. If your friend can’t let go of their own hang-ups in order to be happy for you when you have something positive happen in your life, it may be a sign that their hang-ups are stronger than your friendship.
2. Destructive Feedback and Communication: Although honesty is important in a relationship, if it comes in the form of belittling us or hurting us, the honesty turns into something very ugly. Communicating with one another honestly and openly must be done with respect, love, and sensitivity. If you find that your friend consistently gives you feedback that leaves you feeling bad about yourself, they may be suffering from their own insecurities and as a result, are tearing you down to make themselves feel better. Regardless, it isn’t healthy and is far from constructive or helpful.
