What Your John Hughes Movie Crush Says About You

An independent spirit who values authenticity above all else, you like men (and people in general) who err on the eccentric side of the spectrum. You have a whimsical sense of style and outlook on life, and you’re often considered the barometer of what’s cool in your friend group. But underneath all those suspenders, checkered blazers, and statement vests you’re likely wearing, you are deeply romantic and waiting for your juice box–loving BFF soul mate to cycle on into your life and serenade you with a little bit of “Tenderness.” Aren’t we all?

You like your men mischievous, quick witted, and extremely talkative, which means you are most likely a very patient, self-sacrificing person. You are also not averse to your man wearing a leopard-print cardigan which indicates a soft spot for large cats. You would be a great zoologist.

You are prone to fall for guys who express their feelings primarily through the jaggedness of their torn sleeves and intensity of their nostril flaring. This works for you up to a point, but the relationships eventually crumble because despite your best efforts, you are not fluent in Nostrilology. Don’t feel bad, who among us really is?

You are single. Largely because, thanks to Mr. Ryan, you have a wildly warped expectations of men and relationships. Not only do you want your guy to be devastatingly handsome and drive an outrageously expensive sports car, but he should also be willing to fight valiantly for your undies. The inevitable undoing of your relationships is that you tend to test the “fight-for-my-undies” requirement way sooner than you should. At least wait a few months before you ask him to shark-dive for your skivvies.

You are deeply susceptible to feathered hair, nasal voices, and linen suits, which means you’ve clearly got a fondness for Florida, but you’ve also got a thing for bad boys. We don’t mean harmless “he’s actually good” bad boys; we mean Darth Vader bad boys, as in smart, manipulative guys who not only help you get in touch with your dark side, but will convince you that you, too, look good in feathered hair and linen suits and lead you down a path of reckless self-destruction.

Let’s be honest, if any of Anthony Michael Hall’s characters from the 1980s were your movie crush, then you set the bar pretty low in the dreamboat category. But you’re probably laughing all the way to a healthy, stable relationship because he was usually the smartest, most earnest and vulnerable character on the screen. You are a woman who knows your own mind, and as such, you’re one of the fabled few thirty-somethings who actually feels like she has her life together—while the rest of us waste our time pining over Ryan Gosling because the Internet tells us to.

If Eric Stolz’s “wrong-side-of-the-tracks” protagonist was your dream guy, then you clearly identified as Lea Thompson’s Amanda Jones rather than Mary Stuart Masterson’s lovelorn Watts, or else you’d still be angry at him for being such a moron and falling in love with the wrong woman. In which case, you likely went on to become the head cheerleader at your college, you graduated with a degree in communications, and you now have a job in PR or marketing. Meanwhile, Watts now has a clothing line, a music career, and still has those diamond earrings that Keith gave her instead of you. In short, you wish you were Watts just like the rest of us.

Ah so, you like your men pretty, a little insecure, and sort of bland. Hate to break it to you, but you are likely a cougar in training. Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson.

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